Date: 2005-02-10 17:44 Subject: ..life goes on even though love ends... Security: Public Music: Belle and Sebastian 'Storytelling'

So, I met with Andrea (my ex's mother) for tea on Tuesday. It was strange to
say the least, seeing her again. If things had worked out differently she
would be my mother-in-law by now. I was worried that I would get upset and
embarrass myself by crying but thankfully that didn't happen. We talked
about the family, work, knitting, allotments and she showed me pictures of
her birthday/retirement do. It was almost as if nothing had happened. Seeing
the pictures really underlined for me that my ex is part of my past now. I
suppose I rather naively thought that we could be friends but I don't know
if that's going to be possible. I guess it's a hope that everyone clings to.
Yes, we're not lovers anymore but we can still be friends but I wonder how
many people can actually make it work. It felt good to see her again and
clear the air. I wasn't sure if she'd ever want anything to do with me
again. I'm more sure than ever that splitting up was the right thing to do.
I wish I could make all the pain and guilt go away for both of us but I
wouldn't change the outcome.

I'm still adjusting to being single again after 4 years, trying to get into
the 'Single' mindset. I don't feel anywhere near ready for another
relationship that's for sure. February has to be the worst month to be
single in though. There you are minding your own business and then you
suddenly remember Valentine's Day (cue Psycho-like sounds) Every shop is
filled with cards and a veritable army of soft toys. Every second advert on
TV is for a god-awful sounding 'Classic Love' compilation or some such. I'm
trying to be relaxed about it but I know that come Monday morning I'll be
praying that someone has sent me a card and having flashbacks to all those
years of singledom. Pre-Ex every awful Valentine's Day only seemed to
emphasise to me that I was inherently unlovable. Deep down I know it's just
one day out of 365 and that I should treat it like any other but as The
Essex would say that's 'Easier said than done'.